I’m sorry, have you two met? How rude of me. Let me introduce you to Albert.
Albert was abandoned by his previous owners when they bought a new sofa. Unwanted, it looked like he was going to end up in The Dump until a kind man with a van dropped him off to me. It’s been a long road. He arrived tired and undernourished and there were signs that at some point he had really offended a cat. He needed a bit of TLC: a wash and a massage with some homemade leather lube, some soft music and candles (soy of course, I’m not a neanderthal) but in to time at all he was looking 20 years younger and the spring in his step and the twinkle in his eye had returned.
Albert is a distinguished elderly gentleman with a taste for single malt whisky and pipes. He likes his routine and has found the change of environment and the transition to his new life difficult. I did offer him counselling but he said he didn’t believe in ‘that kind of mumbo jumbo’. Although he has tolerated being made into bags, he found the close proximity to ‘ladies bosoms’ as he was being carried a little uncomfortable and thinks that being turned into a belt is much more appropriate for a gentleman of his advancing years.