Carl

Are you getting a whiff of Davidoff Cool Water mixed with brylcreem?

Then let me introduce you to my latest acquisition. His name is Carl. Carl is suave and sophisticated, at least that’s what he thinks. He is a little older, and a little heavier, than his ego will allow him to believe. He still thinks he’s ‘a catch’ and will lavish the opposite sex with the attention he thinks they covet. His manners are as impeccable as his hands are wandering. He is a big fan of a silk cravat usually worn with a pink shirt that is a little bit too tight and unsuspecting victims are often treated to a glimpse of a tan so fake he looks like he has been tangoed. When Carl isn’t name dropping, his use of superlatives is nauseating and he pauses regularly to make sure his audience appreciate how hilarious and well connected he is. Despite his lounge lizard antics, his heart is in the right place although frequently his dick is not. Commitment does not apply to him.

Since he came to stay with me, he has struggled with the lack of social life and, for the first couple of days, tried to chat up anyone who came within letching distance. His tan has faded considerably and I have had to resist his constant entreaties to rub gravy granules into his skin to keep his mahogany glow alive. He is obviously well educated, and is generous in his knowledge of fine wines and fast yachts, first class travel and the perfect way to make a dry martini.

Carl is going to make some amazing bags and accessories. He has taken good care of himself over the years and his good genes and excellent breeding are becoming more obvious as I buff him up. But first, he is going to help me with a bit of charity work. It’s about time he was giving rather than receiving!!!!